Friday, May 8, 2009

Man Rules

I have seen this before, but my sister just sent it to me again. It makes me laugh.

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good..) We always hear 'the rules' From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and Void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports1. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh

I would also like to add after living with a man of some sort for nearly 13 years...
Everything is a weapon...whether it be a stick or a golf club.
Bodily functions are acceptable humor...all the time.
There are certain parts that men with it.
There will be things that make a man laugh that there is no way they can explain it to a woman.

Today is Carson's birthday. He is ten. 10. TEN. I can't believe I have two in the double digits and one of them will be a TEEN this month.
I don't feel that old.
More on the Carsman t0morrow...right now I have cakes to bake and vacuuming to do.


Lori Jolley said...

Yep - that is soooo true! I love it!

Amberly said...

I've read those man rules before, and I appreciate your additions. I grew up with 6 brothers, so I understand. Those are fantastic pictures!!

stoner said...

Hints never work....never...I have learned that lesson the hard way. You have to tell them exactly what you want...if you want a happy outcome.

I just went out and bought my own mother's day gift...why? Because it was at Real Deals and my honey told me I could have anything just as long as he didn't have to go in that stinky decorating he**! My devious plan worked perfectly! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

So, I would also like to add to the list, "Shopping? What is shopping? You actually had to go somewhere and buy that? I thought it just magically appeared in the fridge...or the drawer....or on the counter."

Anonymous said...

Very funny! I have never seen that. I love the comment about asking if I'm fat. Your sweet Carson is a gorgeous child. 10 is about as sweet as they get I hear.